“Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”

– Proverbs 18:21

I write to have a voice. That’s a familiar term – having a voice – but it’s actually a miraculous thing if you think about it.

Did you know we didn’t always have voices? Researchers believe homo sapiens developed the physical mechanisms for speech around 200,000 to 300,000 years ago, but that it took another 50,000 -100,000 years to learn how to actually make sounds. From sounds to language and then we were off and running. And here I am, sitting at my desk and expressing myself easily by making little marks on this page. Wild.

As I type, I am picturing the cave dwellers of the ancient past; expressing themselves on the walls of their caves by firelight. They found ways to put their voices onto rock that reached us 98,000 years later, speaking to us from the pages of a scientific journal. And then I consider how, right now, I can pick up my phone and create a post that can be accessed almost instantly, anywhere across the globe. There are people, a great many of them, whose voices reach millions of people every day on topics ranging from eyelashes to world wars. We have never, in our entire existence on this planet, had this kind of access to one another. We have never had this gravitas, this massive potential to impact others. As individuals, we’ve simply never had this degree of influence. It’s been…interesting to observe how our species opts to wield this power.

I believe that now, more than ever, it is important to use our voices responsibly. It’s not an insignificant thing we’re doing – throwing our thoughts, opinions and ideas around. In my work as an ACT therapist, I choose my words with care, aware of their potential to nurture or discourage growth. I wonder what the effects would be if I took that kind of care – if I were that responsible for my voice – in other areas of my life. I intend to see.

I also believe using my voice responsibly requires, well, using it.

So, it’s not just how and why I express myself, but when and where, how much, and how loudly. I’ve had the enormous good fortune to work within a therapeutic modality that can powerfully impact people’s lives. I’ve written about it, trained others in how to do it, spent 25+ years honing my skills. My desire to help bring this therapy to others has been a driving force for all my books (the most recent being a book for trauma survivors entitled You Are Not Your Trauma: An ACT guide for Healing from Within, written with my friend and colleague Robyn Walser). But there’s no denying that if I’m really going to stand behind my own voice, it will require moving through my discomfort with being “out there” on the internet.

If you’ve worked with ACT for any length of time, you know it’s impossible to do the therapy well if you haven’t personally embraced the model. Offering ACT competently to others requires walking the walk yourself. That requirement sure can be inconvenient! Especially when you watch yourself make avoidance moves rather than value-based choices.

ACT teaches us how to use our mind when it’s useful, and how to simply nod to it reassuringly when it frets and churns out unhelpful stuff. Mine hands me tiresome, old worries about what others – especially my professional community – will think about me posting on the internet. Will I seem full of myself? Arrogant? Foolish? Tacky? Am I crossing some line that will lose hard-won respect? Maybe. And, it would be wildly hypocritical for me to shy away from purpose because of such worries.

So that is why, after much avoiding, I have entered the online labyrinth. I write emails such as these; I post tips on how to deliver ACT gleaned from my years as an ACT therapist and trainer, offer snippets from my books that I think could be helpful in this business of being human. Because, when I examine my reasons for not raising my voice, they don’t hold up against my values. I don’t want to keep my voice small out of fear or insecurity. I want to know that I used this gift of a voice in a way that was thoughtful, helpful, kind and true.

I want you to know too, if you don’t already, that your unique voice is beyond price or measure. There will never be another you – your voice is yours and only yours to share. So, I wonder, what will you say?

“The most important thing is to use your voice, even when it trembles.” – unknown